Hard Day

men... what are we supposed to do with them? this blog has turned into my journal than anything else... i feel, frustrated that I've found the one i want to spend the rest of my life with, and yet I can't get him to ask the one question I would definitely say yes to... "I want everything to be perfect" he tells me.

what is perfection? I will never know the true meaning of it. there seems to be no such thing. I know that I love someone, that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I've waited, and not pushed for over two years...

perfect... he holds me and all my fears and troubles fade away. When we drive down the road in perfect contentment, not needing to talk all the time cause it seems we can read each others minds. He smiles at me and that's all I see. He makes me happy. We are perfect together, so the point of waiting for perfect has been hit upon already.

it may be that I'm premenstrual and that's why I'm emotionally wrecked, or it may be that my mother is having surgery on the 24th and I'm scared. I don't know what I'm scared of. Mom's going in for surgery to get out her "Fake Boob Implant" that has become infected. We have no idea if it's cancerous or not... not until they clean her up... it scares me...

The beginning of winter depresses me. Not enough snow to do anything, but cold enough that you don't want to do anything... no wonder this time of year has always been my hardest...

Well, i'm going to read my book again... it's called Traitors Kiss... by mary blayney... it's ok... i'm not sure if it's my favorite book. but it keeps my mind off of things that would be better not to think about in my emotional state...

so good night, farewell, and Carpe Diem...